Sanity Sabbatical

Posted on November 11, 2005 by Gene

You know, you’d think that I would be happy — I just bought a nice little house in sunny California, I have enough money socked away to pay for it for two years, things should be hunky dory.
So why aren’t they?
I’m stressed out beyond belief, terrified of moving into the house, scared that I’ll never find the job I want… too stressed and rigid to even get my packing done, and even though so far I’ve done everything that needed to be done, I feel like I haven’t done anything.
Back home, when I bought a house, I had a job, friends, and family to share it with; it was fun and exciting. Here, I’m alone except for Jann and Mike — and fight far too much with Jann to feel any support or happiness there, instead I just feel like every decision I make about my own home is met with disdain or disappointment.
I’m worrying so much about everything. About wiring the house for cable. About replanting the front. About painting the living room. About whether the electrical system in the house is sufficient. About whether I will get used to having such neighborly neighbors. About everything and anything.
And it is just driving me completely insane. A warning sign: songs stick in my head for days, I can’t stop them from playing in my head and I feel like I’m going nuts.
Maybe this is all a combination of the stress of moving to California, the stress of buying a house, the stress of moving, the sun setting at 5pm, the stress of having no job to go to… maybe I need a vacation from my, well, vacation.