You know, you’d think that I would be happy — I just bought a nice little house in sunny California, I have enough money socked away to pay for it for two years, things should be hunky dory.
So why aren’t they?
I’m stressed out beyond belief, terrified of moving into the house, scared that I’ll never find the job I want… too stressed and rigid to even get my packing done, and even though so far I’ve done everything that needed to be done, I feel like I haven’t done anything.
Back home, when I bought a house, I had a job, friends, and family to share it with; it was fun and exciting. Here, I’m alone except for Jann and Mike — and fight far too much with Jann to feel any support or happiness there, instead I just feel like every decision I make about my own home is met with disdain or disappointment.
I’m worrying so much about everything. About wiring the house for cable. About replanting the front. About painting the living room. About whether the electrical system in the house is sufficient. About whether I will get used to having such neighborly neighbors. About everything and anything.
And it is just driving me completely insane. A warning sign: songs stick in my head for days, I can’t stop them from playing in my head and I feel like I’m going nuts.
Maybe this is all a combination of the stress of moving to California, the stress of buying a house, the stress of moving, the sun setting at 5pm, the stress of having no job to go to… maybe I need a vacation from my, well, vacation.
Gene. Slow down and take a few deep breaths. Gene’s Home wasn’t built in a day. You’ve done an incredible amount of work already. Most people who don’t own homes don’t realize the work that goes into the loan application, finding a realtor, negotiating the loan, negotiating with the seller…and then the inspection and move-in. You have a lovely little bungalow and I can’t wait to see what you do with it! And IT WILL BE YOURS. It is a wonderful blank slate for you to color in. (By the way, a retro kitchen is a great idea. Go with the white appliances and build around them).
It’s natural to worry a bit. But don’t let it freeze you into one spot. Take one project at a time. You are organized so I’m sure you have a list somewhere. Stick to it. Have a glass of wine in between projects. Looks like your neighborhood is way cool- climb on your roof one night with some wine and sit up there and revel in it. You’re lucky to have good neigbors. Invite them up with you!
And any friend who meets your plans with distain is not showing very good friendship. If Jann is doing this to you, simply stay away for a while and get busy on your house- don’t let him take your emotional power away. Let him and others stew with jealosy when they see what you turn out with your own creativity! Perhaps Jann doesn’t mean to be this way and other things not related to you are bugging him right now.
You’ll find a job, probably in the most unlikely circumstances. I have a gut feeling about this.
And you know Pisces girls- we have ESP!
You aren’t going crazy. You’re just a bit overwhelmed and that’s ok. I know you’ll be fine.
Katgirl
Relax Gene! Even though a ‘Dem’ won in VA, I wish I was in Kahleefornia (an apt off Dolores Park would be great in SF, but now that the housing bubble is bursting I won’t make a killing, so I guess I am stuck).
Your new house is cute, you have gay neighbors, and a yard!
Whip out that Pantone® swatch book and pick some paint colors.
I need to buck up and buy a new iMac.
Its called buyers remorse. Its a very VERY common condition. Its also short term and goes away quickly.
Let me repeat that, what you’re going through is NORMAL.
I recomend two saliors and call me in the morning.