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• Where I Live: Sunny San Jose, California. I moved here from my hometown of Arlington, Virginia, Home of the Unknown Soldiers and an airport named after the president who fired the air traffic controllers.
• Age: 40. Can you believe it? I sure as hell can't. (August 14, 1966, 8:40am, Fairfax Hospital, Falls Church, Virginia, 7 lbs. 14 oz., length 21 in., head 13 in., chest 13 in., Pugsley, OB and Steigler, MD, room 225, bed 2.)
• Height: 5 feet, 7.75 inches
• Weight: 190
• Hair: Brown, with the patented "Nevr-Bald" feature.
• Eyes: Brown, resembling those of an adorable puppy dog, sometimes behind those disposable contacts, sometimes in intelligent looking glasses.
• Shoe size: 9-1/2
• Pairs of shoes owned: 4
• Pairs of socks owned: in the 20s
• Pairs that actually match: 12
• Favorite color: teal
• Favorite sock color: white- easier to match them.
• Occupation: Creative Director.
• Computers: Power Macintosh Multiprocessor G5, an original Newton, and a MacBook Pro.
• Number of dogs: 1. Diego is a 9 year old Chihuahua and loves to chew on anything he can get his tiny jaws around. Diego is so small that I could mail him first class anywhere in the United States for only $4.00. He barks ferociously at everybody, trying to compensate for his size.
• Car I drive: 2002 Audi TT Roadster. My previous two cars were Priuses, so I figure that I've met my green goals and deserve to get a fast little convertible for my new California lifestyle.
• What's for dinner: It used to be cheese fries at Outback Steak House, but after a surprise heart attack, that's now become grilled salmon or baby greens with raspberry viniagrette.
• Keys on my keychain: 3. I believe in minimalism when it comes to items I have to carry everywhere I go.
• Number of tattoos: Still none, can you believe it? And other than my ear, no piercings, either. Yet.
• Marital status: Single. Very.
• Am I? Yes. It's an exclusive (although, not as exclusive as I would like) club. We secretly run the world, you know. Some people have - rather rudely, I think - complained that as a gay person I should have my web page dedicated to rainbow flags, pictures of nude men, and various sexual items. Why? OK, so I'm gay. That doesn't make any difference to my life in terms of aspirations, interests, hopes, dreams... just one particular dream, the person I want to spend my life with. I have this fear that people who are only exposed to gay people through web pages must think that the overriding concern to them is sex. The truth is, it's exactly as important to gay people as to straight people - which is to say, of paramount importance - but no more so. Since I tend to think that sexuality is a rather private, intimate thing that I don't want to share with absolutely everyone, don't expect to hear anything about it here; although there's plenty of rantings about intolerance and the bigots who threaten everyone, not just gay people.

• Margaritas. On the rocks, no salt.
• NPR.
• PBS and BBC America.
• Definitely my type:
  • Michael T. Weiss (Let's pretend)
  • Ben Stiller (Jerry Stiller + Anne Meara = HOT)
  • Steve Rudin (DC Weatherman... I have a thing for guys in front of chroma-key screens)
  • Ric Barrick (Another weatherman - ahem, meteorologist. Is it just me, or do I feel a warm front?)
  • Will Thomas (Trying desperately to be a serious reporter, but those cerubic cheeks make it tough)
  • Sean P. Hayes (If you need a Hollywood Screen Kiss, I'm your man.)
  • Parker Stevenson (So, you're single now?)
  • B. D. Wong (If lovin' you is Wong, I don't wanna be right)
  • Jeff Corwin (I can be a wild beast, too, Jeff...)
• Sara Hickman. I can't say enough about this wonderful artist and angel. I loved her music the first time I heard it, and fell in love with her when I met her. I've never met a person - celebrity or otherwise - who made me feel so instantly at ease and happy. She's the only person I can think of who embodies the word "joy." Sometimes I wonder how she can keep up the energy to be so optimistic and joyous all the time. Since we have become friends, she has taught me ways to be generous and a better human being.
• Basia, Enya, Bette Midler, k.d. lang, Madonna, Matt Bianco, George Michael...
• British comedy. Waiting For God, One Foot in the Grave, Are You Being Served?, Dr. Who and Blackadder. It's not the production values, it's the writing. Well, actually, it's the toilet jokes. Speaking of One Foot in the Grave, do yourself a favor: pick it up in BBC Video at your local video store. Or better yet, ask your local PBS station to show it. The main character is a direct representation of what I will be like at 60.
• The beach in October. The kind that has shipwrecks, not boardwalks.

I voted for the old, fat Elvis. Coincidentally enough, I also voted for Clinton. I think I see a pattern emerging.

I'll always buy the peripheral with the Apple logo on it. I've stuck with Apple through bad times and good, even when everyone around me bought Windows computers. Now I have the last laugh as they struggle to get Windows to work and complain about Microsoft...

DVDs. I migrated from laserdisc. Not only do I still have the laserdisc player, but I also still have a SuperVHS and a SuperBeta. Currently I have a Digital VHS, but who knows whether that was a wise choice or not?

I have had a high definition television since 1998, but I wonder who came up with the HD marketing plan? Isn't it mostly men aged 25-55 who buy new tvs and other gadgets? Then why is all the HD programming movies of the week such as "Switched At Birth?"

Conservatives.

Commercials for cars, prescription drugs, anything you have to hold in your urine stream or that involve the word itch.

I wish I could start charging television networks for the use of my screen real estate. Do you remember just a few short years ago when you could watch a television program and not have the screen cluttered up with:

• an animation promoting upcoming events in the lower left corner?
• a pulsating network logo constantly appearing in the lower right corner?
• a useless content rating in the upper left corner?
• a pointless banner across the bottom informing you of the title of the show you are watching everytime they return from a commercial?
• end credits squeezed to a strip one-fifth the size of the screen to make room for yet another network promo?
• A strip across the bottom of the screen flashing and pulsating, scrolling the inane comments of morons who have access to the Internet and want to see their pathetic opinions scrolled across a TV?

94% of the drivers I see everyday. Why do I feel like I am taking my life in my hands when I drive to work?

Nutrasweet, saccharin, Olestra... oh, please. This is making life better through science? Pass the sugar, please.

Dishonest people. People who take advantage of me.

Rap music. People who drive down the street at 1am with their stereos loud enough to make my house rattle.

A certain television commercial here in the D.C. area which includes the lines: "Single Chip! Full Computer! Super VGA! CD-ROM! Learn about the Internet and the World Wide Web! Prices so low, they blow the stores AWAY!!" This amateur production runs on every channel here incessantly. It makes me want to kick my television screen in.

Hype on television news. Ridiculous competition. Nonsensical competition by weathermen. They trumpet about the way their radar can zoom in to individual streets. Well, if the time ever comes that I have to turn to the TV to see what the weather is like on my street, rather than look out my window. . . Channel 4 started out as a "Weather Center," morphed into "WeatherNet 4," and now has recreated itself as the much more urgent-sounding "StormCenter 4." Doppler 9000 is now suddenly known as "Tru-Doppler 9000," as if the others are not quite being honest with us - you know, that "Faux-Doppler." Now they insist that their radar has "The Six Minute Advantage." I must admit, though, I was quite amused when Channel 9 here in DC debuted it's newest technology - the 9 Eyewitness News Snow-Stick 9000 - the ultimate in yard sticks. And don't get me started on their new slogan, "Where Local News Comes First." Often this means that they will begin the newscast with a story about last night's football game instead of a major Supreme Court decision (which, it happens, is STILL a local story for DC...)

The high-brow programming on Fox: from "World's Most Imbecilic White Trash Criminals Driving Poorly and Hitting Other Motorists" to "Voyeuristic Videos of Animals Mauling People." Just when I think they can't produce any more drivel, another promo airs for some program like "Watching Animals Copulate." Recently, I saw a program on Fox about "The World's Stupidest People." In this elegant offering, a home video camera captured an idiotic fisherman putting his hand into the mouth of a freshly-caught shark. The jaws clamped down. This moron actually agreed to be interviewed on this program (either he didn't know the name of the show or was indeed, the world's stupidest) and said, "I thought it was dead." The funny part? The very next night, Fox presented the antithesis of stupidity in a video clip show about "Survivors." They ran the same shark video, as if to remind us that one man's stupidity is another man's courage.

Evidently, programming to the voyeuristic society we have become is now the way to go - Learning Channel and Discovery both now show "World's Somethingest Videos" proving that the Romans weren't the only ones who enjoyed watching people being mauled.

Speaking of Discovery Channel, I'm horrifyied by the way they are quietly buying up our country's history. The Smithsonian seems to have given up and turned over control of the National Museum of Natural History to Discovery - you can't walk two feet without seeing a Discovery logo, signs pointing the way to the Discovery Center and Discovery Gift Shop; the Washington Monument now seems to be property of Discovery; and they are affecting local politics here by moving their offices - making Maryland politicians woo them to their counties with special tax incentives and the like. Evidentally, they also own the new Pandas at the National Zoo and the International Space Station. And after all this, do you ever really learn anything when you watch that channel - other than about sharks, UFOs and Area 51?