How to improve anything

Saw this Denny’s commercial, and I realized that there is one sure-fire way to improve anything and everything. Four simple words:
Now with more bacon!

Or just use the word “cold”

Dear NBC 11 Weather Plus Chyron operators:

Please invest in a dictionary. For your edification, I present a list of alternatives and the correct spelling of same:
cold, wintry, freezing, frozen, icy, glacial, hypothermic, gelid, subzero, polar, Siberian, bone-chilling.


More Digits Than Fingers

I wonder how long it will be before the telephone system in this country adds another digit. I ask because as of today, I — one, single person — have a total of six telephone numbers.

Where the Right is Wrong (again)

Well, well. Isn’t it pleasing — in a horrible, horrible way — when your suspicions are proven correct? Like the suspicion that groups like the Christian Coalition are not interested in the antics of Jesus Christ, whom the Bible says cared for the poor and needy and the wondrous creation of Earth and, well, just plain goodness? Of course they’re not. Groups like the Christian Coalition are solely interested in power, in telling others what to do and how to do it, and lining their own pockets. I mean, even the dogmatic and somewhat fascist Catholic church holds fast to its ideals of helping the less fortunate, of compassion and of protecting such things as the environment.
Want proof? How about this:

For the second time in little more than a year, the Christian Coalition of America named a new leader and then removed him before he ever fully took the reins of the conservative political advocacy group.

The Rev. Joel Hunter, pastor of a nondenominational megachurch in Longwood, Fla., said he resigned as the coalition’s incoming president because its board of directors disagreed with his plan to broaden the organization’s agenda. In addition to opposing abortion and same-sex marriage, Hunter, 58, wanted to take on such issues as poverty, global warming and HIV/AIDS.

“My position is, unless we are caring as much for the vulnerable outside the womb as inside the womb, we’re not carrying out the full message of Jesus,” he said in a telephone interview yesterday. “They began to think this might threaten their base or evaporate some of their support, and they said they just couldn’t go there.”

…The Christian Coalition announced Hunter’s appointment in early October, and he was scheduled to take over day-to-day operations from Combs on Jan. 1. In the interim, his positions in favor of tackling global warming, increasing the minimum wage and opposing the death penalty were reported in The Washington Post and some other newspapers, causing unrest among the coalition’s grass-roots supporters.

The religious right, as represented by such groups as the Christian Coalition and American Family Association, are not interested in Godliness. They don’t believe that humans should be stewards of the world God gave us. They don’t believe that the commandment “Thou Shalt Not Kill” applies to anyone other than a zygote. They don’t believe that the poor should be helped, that the sick should be taken care of, that society should be more equitable. And they are completely missing the point of Jesus Christ’s message.

Signals from above

The other evening, I noticed a strange set of four circles, rotating, on the Adobe corporate headquarters downtown. Surprise! It’s art!

I always find the depressing parts

You know what sucks? When you have a rockin’ sweet convertible roadster, and the skies are cloudy and the rain is drizzling. ‘Cos there’s nothing more confining and stifling than a convertible with the top up.

Seeing the light

Well, that was a miscalculation — I bought a bunch of LED lights this year, figuring that I’d be a bit green and not use so much electricity lighting my Christmas tree. Big mistake.
The LED lights give a very bluish light, which doesn’t work so well with my gold and red color scheme. On top of this, the lights are extremely bright and directional, like little spotlights. Looking directly at the tree in the wrong place leaves spots on my retinas; they throw light around the room like halogen pin lights.
As if that’s not enough, the LED lights also flicker — almost imperceptibly, but it is enough to be annoying if you’re susceptible to such things.
I don’t really want to un-decorate the tree now, so I’m stuck with them. But next year, it’s back to soft, twinkly incandescent lights for me.
This is a consumer message from me to you. Learn from my mistakes.

A bitter pill(s) to take

I present to you the number of pills I will be taking this week. I don’t think that even my grandmother took this many pills. Now we see the value of a prescription drug plan…

You’re a mean one, Mr. Cowan

I’m the polar opposite of my stepmother when it comes to Christmas decorations. She generally has two Christmas trees in their living room, in order to hold all the ornaments. The front yard is notable for the inflated, lit, motion characters — last year was The Grinch — and the Christmas shopping happens year ’round.
Me, I don’t put so much money and effort into it.

The First Thanksgiving of the Second Half of my Life

I could go on, in a sentimental and maudlin way, about things I am thankful for; then spend a good paragraph on the importance of people over things; spend some time musing about life and death and cardiology; then add some sappy list of friends and family and wish for world peace.
Or, I could sum it up quickly and easily and get on with it.

I am thankful that I am alive, and I am thankful that there are people who care if I am alive.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Car of the Past

Day two with my little Audi, and it is taking some getting used to.

Why you need a good designer (part two)

Dear McAfee:
You may offer proven security, but your spelling abilities are suspect.


Dear Procter and Gamble:
Your bottle of Olay Complete Body Wash, which stands upright with the dispenser at the top, says on the back: “Store bottle upside down to ease dispensing.”
May I suggest that you consider simply printing the label artwork on the bottle upside down, and then eliminating this silly direction?