morons.org offers a theory on Sen. Santorum’s great fear: that the American family could be destroyed by the insidious forces of evil unleashed by private, consensual gay sex:
One day, Stuart and Warren move in next door at 1236 Main. Stuart and Warren are a gay couple. They both work at middle class jobs. Stuart owns a Mustang GT. Warren drives a Miata. You can tell who’s the top in this relationship (Warren, of course). They have two cats, Wotan and Nebuchadnezzar. Stuart and Warren have a healthy, monogamous sexual relationship. Stuart and Warren finish moving in, close the door behind them, and pull the blinds. They christen their new home.
Suddenly, Bob and Suzy begin having marital problems! Bob can’t perform in bed, and says Suzy has become frigid. The kids lose interest in soccer. Megrog takes up crack dealing on the street corner as Zokteg starts listening to The Cure. Suzy is endlessly critical of Bob and asks how he expects to support another kid on his lousy wages at Widgetco. Bob becomes angry when he realizes this means Suzy is pregnant. He doesn’t have to worry long, however, because on his way to work, his American car bursts into flame and explodes. Suzy cashes in his life insurance policy and flees to Hawaii with her Yoga instructor, leaving the kids to fend for themselves.
