Just As I Thought

Having it both ways

A hilarious — and right on target — fantasy conversation with Dick Cheney appears this morning in Richard Cohen’s Washington Post column:

Cheney’s Core Principles
“Mr. Vice President, you say you support President Bush’s call for a constitutional amendment to prohibit same-sex marriage, but your own daughter is a lesbian, and if she wanted to marry, what would you say?”

“I’m glad you asked me that, Richard, even though I was asked more or less the same question when I appeared on cable news outlets the other day. As you know, I love my daughter and want her to be happy. This is very tough and I ask that her private life and my own private life be respected.”

“Understood, sir. But we are, after all, talking about the private lives of other people. You once said marriage should be left to the states, and now you say you support the president. Isn’t there a contradiction here?”

“On the surface, maybe, Richard. But I think everyone knows by now not to take what I say at face value. After all, I said Iraq had reconstituted a nuclear weapons program, and we now know that it had none whatsoever. I mean, I say what I think I have to say and everyone understands that.”

… “So you’re really opposed to a constitutional amendment barring same-sex marriage.”

“I support the president.”

“What if your daughter wanted to get married?”

“I want her to be happy.”

“How can you reconcile the two?”

“The same way I do weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.”

“Huh?”

“Exactly.”

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