Just As I Thought

Life Happens: The Turdblossom Way

Here’s how I imagine the strategy session went:

“There’s a hurricane approaching the Gulf Coast, it could be another Katrina. And it’s the anniversary of Katrina to boot. The liberal media will go crazy.”

“And we’ve got all these parties and feel-good fake-smile speeches coming on Monday!”

“Let’s cancel the feel-good speeches and make a big deal out of it, it’ll appear that we’re concerned. And move the parties to private ballrooms, we still need that money.”

“Hey, you know that big secret about our new VP nominee? The one we’ve known for a while because we vetted her so thoroughly?”

“Don’t remind me.”

“No, wait — wouldn’t this be the perfect time to release that news? I mean, if we release it on hurricane day and the godless liberals make a big deal out of it we can accuse them of ignoring the plight of the hurricane victims in favor of politicizing a private family matter!”


“And if they pick it up later, we can accuse them of intolerance!”

“Isn’t there the chance that we could be seen as hypocrites?”

“No way. Our followers have been reconciling incompatible concepts and hypocritical statements for decades. They can rationalize anything now.”

“Welcome to bizarro world!”

“Plus, another bonus — all this focus on her family drama will serve to deflect attention away from her ridiculous, fundamentalist, ultra-right wing positions. In fact, we may be able to get those Hillary voters just out of sympathy for the woman!”

“Perfect! After all, that’s why she’s on the ticket to begin with. It obviously wasn’t for her experience and ability to take over the presidency in a heartbeat, right?”

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