Seriously, I can’t figure out …

Back in the old days I’d roll into work at 10am. Today? I’m here before 8am. This is scaring me.

Just saw a “Simpsons Celebrity Shoutout” and assumed it was a satire… ‘cos I have no earthly idea who ANY of those people were.

@BorowitzReport: When I was a little boy I was told that by the 21st century we’d have robots, and sure enough, here’s Romney.