Crime does pay… eventually: Court returns £51,000 in stolen cash to armed robber after bank refuses it

There is a mysterious Asian man gliding around the office in a white lab coat. I swear he’s Pierre Chang, aka Dr. Marvin Candle. Seriously.

“@BorowitzReport: BREAKING: Gingrich Vows to Clean Up Washington with Army of 9-Year-Old Janitors”