Look! There are benefits to parents reading your Facebook page. Thanks, Mom and Eddie!

Great. Another retirement seminar informing me I need to save a million dollars in the next 20 years, leaving $5/mo to live on until then.

“@BorowitzReport: BREAKING: Scientists have discovered a planet that’s like ours but better, because it has no Republican debates.”

What? No no no please PLEASE don’t make me go to WORK no please dear god NO