Report from Week CLXII, in which entrants were asked to summarize a highly complex issue in words of one syllable:
God told us, “Thou shalt not kill.”
We say sure, but it’s fine to kill folks who don’t like our God.
God says, “No, thou shalt not kill.”
We say sure, but it’s cool so long as it’s just those guys who dress in rags and have beards.
God says, “No, write this down. Thou shalt not kill.”
We say, “Sure. Now who is this “thou” guy you mean?
God does not like this.
(Robert Carlisle, Arlington)
The debate surrounding somatic cell nuclear transfer technology:
If we clone a man, things might go ronwg.
(Sally Fasman, Washington)
Civil rights vs. national security:
Since the bad day two years back, the feds have this thing where they want to know what sites you surf on the Web, and whom you hang with: In short, they want to be rid of that Bill of Rights stuff that lets you do your own thing. They want to press their boots on your throat and . . .
“Sir, we’d like to ask you a few things . . . ”
Huh, where’d you come from?
“Sir, please step from your desk and keep your hands in plain view.”
Hey, wait, I was just . . .
“You have the right to — nah, skip that.” (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)
Let’s see what we have here: cheese, ham, three jugs of milk, hot dogs, rolls, two loaves of bread, a bag of chips, jam, cans of corn, green beans, soups, a few jars of strained peas for the kid. All right. Now, what does this sign say? Shall I read it to you? Twelve things or less, this aisle. Is this so hard, to count to twelve? What is the point you fail to grasp here? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)
Bush says the guy in the sand may pose a threat, we must act first. I think the guy next door may pose a threat. So I will act first. (Luan Pham, Silver Spring)