The Tiffany Network

Posted on February 2, 2004 by Gene

Tom Shales’ review of the Superbowl–please keep in mind that CBS refused to air the Move On ad saying it’s didn’t fit with their advertising policy, which evidently means that it wasn’t sleazy enough:

Viewers who tuned in expecting a big-time football game saw the Super Bowl of Sleaze instead. Sexy and violent commercials that included jokes about flatulence and bestiality mercilessly interrupted the CBS telecast of Super Bowl XXXVIII from Houston last night, making it a dubious choice for family viewing.

But it was the unexpected climax of the MTV-produced halftime show that shocked viewers and set the CBS switchboard ablaze. As a musical number ended, out popped one of Janet Jackson’s breasts. Fellow performer Justin Timberlake clearly exposed it to the crowd in Reliant Stadium and to the audience of millions watching at home by reaching over and yanking off part of her costume.

… CBS rushed out an apology, but there were reports that MTV had hinted during its afternoon programming that Jackson’s appearance would be one for the record books. MTV and CBS are both owned by media conglomerate Viacom.

… Early in the evening, a supposedly hilarious beer commercial featured a dog that was trained to bite men in the crotch and hold on. The man being bitten moaned and grimaced in pain and finally surrendered his can of Bud Light.

As it happened, Bud Light set the standards for tastelessness and self-congratulatory humor. A later commercial, stealing a joke from a classic episode of the sitcom “Seinfeld,” involved a flatulent horse. The animal, tied to a carriage, emitted an outburst from beneath its tail that caused a candle to burst into flame and burn the hair of the woman holding it. A loud sound effect made it clear that the horse was suffering digestive distress.

… CBS chose to air a spot advertising the upcoming horror movie “Van Helsing” even though it contained extremely disturbing and graphic images of brutality and gore and despite the fact that it has yet to be rated by the Motion Picture Association of America. If the film were eventually to be rated NC-17, it would be contrary to network policy to carry any commercials for it.

… But the ghastly output from Bud Light included a commercial in which a chimpanzee talked to a beautiful girl as they sat together on a couch while she waited for her date to return from the kitchen. The monkey made a pass at the girl and asked, “So, how do you feel about back hair?” There was also an excess of commercials for drugs designed to help men suffering from erectile dysfunction.

Gee, no wonder they rejected the Move On ad. It would have lowered the tone of the whole show, eh?

As you can probably guess, I didn’t watch any of the Superbowl. But I saw photos this morning of the now infamous breast incident. I don’t believe a word of the CBS apology — they knew it was going to happen. They all did. Explain to me why Janet Jackson was wearing a little star on her nipple if she hadn’t planned the move? Or does she wear those all the time? Besides, they promised us a “surprise appearance”, didn’t they?