Just As I Thought

Seating passengers in rows 1-4

As you read this, I’m winging my way back to San Jose from DC. I’m writing this before I actually leave, so there’s opportunity to make the kind of jokes that one usually hears on talk shows that are pre-taped. Stuff like, “Wow! Wasn’t that snow on Christmas beautiful?” or “I’m flabbergasted — who would have expected George Bush to resign on Christmas Eve?”
But I will refrain.
Here’s a question: why do people get bogged down with the whole nail clippers on a plane issue? As I see it, there are two aspects to this. First off, I don’t think that nail clippers will ever be a successful terrorism tool on a plane, not just because of their diminutive size and lack of threat, but because since September 11 passengers are not only more cognizant of security, but they have become complicit in it. Any future hijackers will have to content with at least a hundred passengers coming after them.
Second, why oh why do people feel the need to take nail clippers on board, anyway? Are they actually going to clip their nails while sitting 2 inches away from another person? Have they no class at all? I mean, why not bring a pumice stone on board, and scrape your feet?
I’ll be flying first class today, which I got used to immediately the first time I flew it this year. It’s not the perks — there really aren’t any anymore, save those that are free like getting to board first — big deal. You don’t get there any faster than everyone else. No, the real reason to pay exponentially more is to have space. A few extra inches of leg room and a wider seat mean that you aren’t in constant physical contact with someone next to you for hours upon end. It’s like the free range end of the cattle yard up there in the sky.

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