Just As I Thought

Cloudy with a Chance of Testosterone

This morning on the way to work I was listening to 80s on 8 — don’t judge — when “It’s Raining Men” started playing. This got me thinking in a literal way… what would actually happen if men started raining down upon us?

This morning on the way to work I was listening to 80s on 8 — don’t judge — when “It’s Raining Men” started playing. This got me thinking in a literal way… what would actually happen if men started raining down upon us?

I mean, first off, would the amount of men be the same as the amount of rain drops? ‘Cos men are quite a bit bigger. They’d probably cause a lot of damage to each other on the way down; although if we’re talking about a 1:1 ratio of mass, then maybe there would be fewer men to compensate for their size.

Park your car in the garage, ‘cos a few men falling onto it from a mile up would do some damage. In fact, you’d want to stay inside a pretty sturdy building, maybe even go down to the basement. Tornadoes may be bad, but wait until you see what happens when a couple hundred 200-pound men slam into your roof.

Sad to say, I’m pretty sure that these men will also behave like raindrops when their journey ends — splattered. That’s gonna be a huge, ugly, nasty clean up job and I’m not sure that the warmer states have the kind of plows that are going to be necessary.

I’m gonna be watching the forecast a little more closely. I might need to get some heavy-duty plastic sheeting to lay out around the house, and possibly some steel reinforcement for the roof.

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