Just As I Thought

Bad Sex Scenes

Some winners in today’s Washington Post Style Invitational, where entrants were asked to write lines from a very, very bad sex scene in a novel.

  • Third Runner-Up: Matt and Veronica melted into a jumble of hands, arms, backs and prosthetic devices. (Bobby Welsh, Annandale)
  • And the winner of the handbag that looks and smells like chewed bubble gum: Quivering with desire, Bea Arthur removed Tommy Lasorda’s shirt . . . (Marc Leibert, New York)
  • Lisa felt the Earth move. It started at 1.5 on the Richter scale, but rose in waves to a 7.3, equivalent in size to the 1989 Bay Area quake. Aftershocks ranged from 3.1 to 5.4. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
  • To Samantha, his slow, steady rhythm was like the gentle rocking of a boat, except in this case she did not have to lean over the side to vomit. (Sam Bruce, Williamsburg)
  • She gazed upward with the avid, impudent glare of a Keynesian at budget time. Despite myself, I felt my surplus growing. She cried out, “Yes, yes, oh, spend it, spend it all!” (George Gowen, Austin)
  • On Thursday, Aug. 27, between 9:42 and 9:58 p.m., Janice and Carl Burgess copulated for the 62nd time in their 28-year marriage. The results were satisfactory. (Brian Barrett, Bethesda)
  • He touched her there, and gently manipulated her, the way one adjusts the power side-view mirrors in a rental car one is unfamiliar with. (Toby Hansen, Lyndhurst, Ohio)

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