Just As I Thought

Getting personal again

A personal entry, as I promised to be more forthcoming about myself.
I spent most of the day today with a piercing headache, and that only made me feel worse. ‘Cause I also spent most of the day just slightly, kind of, on the verge of tears. On the bright side, it kept my contact lenses nicely moist.
11 years ago now, I met a guy who I fell head over heels for. Less than a year later, we broke up. Then we got together again. Then broke up. Etc. etc. etc.
All these years later, I am still very much in love with him. Since him, I haven’t had a relationship of any consequence with anyone else. Instead, I have spent all my time wishing I was with him, through all his other boyfriends. For years, he moved here and there, and somehow always ended up back here with me. While he was with other guys, I deluded myself – and still do – that we were still together, but part time. While his boyfriend was at work, he was mine. And there were even times when we consumated that “deal” when we were alone.
Now, he lives in California. He’s once again with someone else. And I can only have a relationship with him via long distance, knowing that I don’t have a chance to be with him. He’s not about to leave his current boyfriend. And I’m not about to stop my rather sad obsession.
I was crying today because I had an opportunity to go to San Francisco at the end of the month. He will be in the city for work at the same time I would be there. But his boyfriend would be with him, staying at the hotel. He insists that he wants me to meet his boyfriend and that I am his best friend. I told him that he may think of me that way, but I think of him in a much more intense, emotional way.
I don’t ever want to meet his boyfriend. I would probably have a complete emotional breakdown.
So, I’m either completely and utterly screwed up, or I am just living a life that country western singers thrive on.
Personal enough?

1 comment

  • Dude, snap out of it! Move on! Heh, just kidding. (Well, only sort of.) Aww, Gene. Hang in there. And yes, personal entries are much appreciated by this loyal reader. wink

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