Here are some of the results of the Style Invitational contest I remarked on a few weeks ago, where contestants were directed to write a line to be secretly inserted into the State of the Union teleprompter in hopes that Dubya would read it without realizing what he was saying:
Second Runner-Up: Like most college men, I did “experiment” with homosexuality . . . (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
First Runner-Up: America is built on the hard work of nonprofit organizations, so I would like to pay tribute to just one representative group: the Pleasant Valley Pheasant Pluckers. (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)
And the winner of the dartboard from the “Keen Eddie” TV show: “Green Dodge Caravan, Virginia plates, your lights are on.” (Craig A. Zimmerman, Manassas)
Honorable Mentions:
I’m about to appoint an ambassador to Bimini; what am I bid? (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Members of Congress, there are going to be some changes made because this building is now surrounded by special forces loyal only to me. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
I repeat my promise to personally pay for the college education of every American citizen who cannot afford it. (Tom Kreitzberg, Silver Spring)
And tonight I am departing from the usual format by asking that you not interrupt me with those annoying rounds of contrived applause (wait for applause.) (Robin D. Grove, Pasadena, Md.)
What’s all the whining about unemployment? All MY friends have jobs. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
Global warming can be reversed if everyone just turned his air conditioner around. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
Anyone who disagrees is welcome to come up here now and speak his piece. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)
Nod your head and look serious, then smile before saying the next sentence. (Larry Phillips, Falls Church)
Tonight, we salute three heroines of the Iraqi war: Ima Lyonson, Uffa Beech, and Ivana Runnagen. (Charles Koelbel, Houston)
