Mon Dieu!

I just laughed and laughed at this one, and yet it shows just how ridiculous the Bush campaign is.

Bush pal and Commerce Secretary Donald L. Evans recently said publicly what his colleagues have long been saying privately: He called President Bush’s Democratic opponent a “fellow of a different political stripe who looks French.”

Those are fighting words these days, when anti-French feelings are running high because of the diplomatic fight over Iraq. The Republican National Committee has been sending out regular news releases about Kerry’s French relatives and his popularity in France. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) has been known to start a speech with: “Good afternoon, or, as John Kerry might say, ‘Bonjour.’ “

Now, the Kerry campaign has made it easier for the GOP to portray the candidate as très French. Seeking to boost his image, his allies have sought advice from, of all people, a Frenchman.

A close Kerry adviser has contacted G. Clotaire Rapaille, a French-born corporate consultant who psychoanalyzes cultures with what he calls “archetype research.” Rapaille, based in Florida, has made a name for himself describing Americans’ subconscious associations by examining the “reptilian” part of the brain. He determined that the smell of coffee makes us think fondly of childhood. He found that the French associate the smell of cheese with life while Americans associate it with death. His “brand psychoanalysis,” used by companies such as Procter & Gamble, helped develop Chrysler’s PT Cruiser. Now, he is psychoanalyzing brand Kerry.

… Rapaille said that he is not being paid by Kerry and that he has been contacted by top fundraisers for Bush. Rapaille also noted that he was paid by Lee Atwater to advise Vice President George H.W. Bush’s 1988 presidential campaign. As for his 2004 intentions, “it’s kind of confidential,” he said.

… [Rapaille says] Kerry’s penchant for deliberation is inferior to Bush’s instinct for decisive action. “Action is salvation in America,” Rapaille said. “When Kerry says ‘Let me think about it,’ this is the French way. This is wrong.” The “American way,” Rapaille said, is “I shoot first, and then we discuss.” Kerry’s subtlety, he continued, is “too European.”