Fly the annoying skies

What? Flying isn’t irritating enough for you?
Well, just wait until everyone around you is yakking on their cell phones and downloading porn on their laptops. I tell you, deregulation of the airlines has made air travel into an experience akin to purgatory, and the idea of allowing cell phone calls on board is really, really going to make it so much worse.
Mobile phones have already made life so annoying — people talking while driving is a horror; when I was up in Philly, I watched a woman in a restaurant talk on her cell phone for about 20 minutes, all the while ignoring her dinner companion; at another restaurant, a table filled with luddites had a wonderful time playing each other all the various rings on their mobiles, while B and I — seated 2 feet away — got to listen to them over and over.
Traveling by air is already horrific, from the moment you try to park at an airport, to security, to sitting in seats that even chickens would find cramped. I’m surprised the airlines don’t remove our beaks to keep us from pecking our seat neighbors to death.
But just you wait. Soon that neighbor will be calling everyone in their phonebook, mostly to say, “I’m calling from the plane!” followed by “What are you up to?” “Where are you?” “How you doin’?” and other important questions.
Frankly, I’m beginning to envy the poor animals crated in the hold… at least it’s quiet down there.