One of those days

I dunno. Sometimes I have days that are really rotten right from the time I get up.
It started this morning, when I found myself in another lonely funk — I miss him most in the morning.
Then, when I got to work, I found the manuscripts for a 56-page magazine sitting on my desk. It’s a week late, and now it’s only a few days to Christmas… and my boss came in and let me know that he needed proofs of the magazine right away to show to authors.
Um, I don’t think so. He proceeded to point out that there is still this week and next… next week the office is closed, and I’ll be out. As will he.
I’m so sick and tired of being expected to perform miracles when other people don’t meet their obligations; as the last link in the chain of magazine production, I’m getting weary of pulling magic out of my ass to make up for the editorial department’s lack of deadlines.
This morning on my way to work, I found myself turning off the radio when the Christmas music started to play, and realized that I am simply, and in no uncertain terms, not in a Christmas spirit. Even though I was used to being alone for years before B came along, I suddenly feel really alone. I’m tired of endless negotiations between different segments of my family about who is going where and when; I’m sick of being the one who is jerked to and fro by family politics because I am alone and have no children or anyone else around me (which means I’m always the last one to be taken into consideration when planning). I will say that my mother this year “gets it” and decided to ask my plans rather than assume we’ll meet up when my brother and the kids are available; although that fell apart for the same reason — where my brother will be.
Never mind. I can’t possibly explain the whole thing, nor should I.
I’m just having a really, really crappy day.
Oh, yeah, and I have to go to a ChrismaKwanzaKah party tonight. We all know what fun I am at parties.