Just As I Thought

In our last episode…

So, anyway.

I still don’t know what happened. I sort of think that it’s like this: imagine that you are working really hard physically, pushing yourself so far past a certain threshold that suddenly you just collapse, faint, whatever.
Now imagine that it’s not physical exhaustion that claimed you, but emotional exhaustion.
At least, that’s my working theory.

I haven’t decided what to do yet. I almost want to ignore it and just go back life as normal. That’s the path of least resistance, of course. And I think that may be the default for a little while. But I have to start looking at changes I can make. The first one might be finding someone to talk to; although I really don’t subscribe to the whole therapy subculture. I tend to be very analytical about my emotions and psychological state.

Actually, I now feel really self-conscious right now. I feel selfish and sheepish and childish and self-indulgent and a little ashamed. But it’s a little too late to pretend it didn’t happen.

I’ll start thinking about what to do next. I might take a little advice from Sara, Jeff, Terry, the other Jeff, and Trey. Thanks.

Today I got up and wanted to disappear off the face of the earth, if only for one day. I went outside and sat on the front steps. I went to the post office to check the PO box. I picked up my shirts from the cleaners because there are board members coming to the office tomorrow. And by noon, my boss called to find out where I was. I should never have taken the call. He started to talk about work, then after laying it all out he said that I probably didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t say what I was thinking: too freaking late.

Does anyone have any good remedies for really, really puffy eyes? I look like someone filled my eyelids with collagen.

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