Speaking of disposable income — a hamfisted segue there — I wonder a lot about other people’s finances and their general luck in that arena. I’ve always thought (and often complained) that I don’t get paid enough, but I tend to let inertia keep me in my job and compare myself to people who work in fast food and such; knowing that my salary is enough to keep me fed and housed in a pretty nice way.
That is, until my ex told me that his boyfriend is going to be making a six-figure salary as an assistant manager at JC Penney. Then my aunt told me of someone she knows out in Front Royal, Virginia who also made six figures as a manager at Sears… plus $300 or more in mileage expenses per month.
Then yesterday, when I lost out on a job that would have paid not six figures, but a more respectable five figures than I get now, I called him to complain. He agreed that it was a good thing I didn’t get the job, but it still didn’t help me feel happy about it.
A few hours later, he called me to tell me that he had gotten a call from Amazon.com offering him a programming job. He’s already making twice as much money as I am, and this job would make it three times more.
When we were together, he bounced from job to job, making sporadic money. I was paying our living expenses and all kinds of other costs associated with him; when we broke up it took me 3 or 4 years to pay off the bills. And now he’s constantly telling me of his high-roller status, the people desperate to hire him, the cars, the houses, the trips. I almost feel like I was the ex-wife who supported him until he made it big, and now I’m left behind to ponder.
But what really bugs me is the seemingly insensitive, one-way view he has of our friendship. When I was in an emotional quandary last week, he was pretty uninterested. But when a relative of his boyfriend died, I had to be there to comfort him — a rather inappropriate situation for me.
When he asks me to do him a favor, he expects it to be done immediately, right then and there — and gets pissy if I can’t do it. But he tells me he’ll call me in 2 hours to do something for me, then I don’t hear from him for 24.
When I have bad news of the “I didn’t get the job” sort, his response is to call me back with his own good news, not only making me feel worse but shifting the focus to himself once again.
I’d like the focus to be on me for just a little while. I just want to be a little selfish sometimes. But dammit, people won’t let me.
See? Even this post ended up being about someone else.
Sorry, it wasn’t my intention to be either harsh or unfair and if that’s the way it reads then I wrote it incorrectly.
And it’s true that those living at or near the poverty line struggle much more and find happiness harder to come by, but I wasn’t speaking of those people.
You have a nice house, a nice car and enough disposable income to afford niceities like your TV and computer gear so I don’t think of you as a minimum wage worker or even struggling to survive.
I think of you (maybe incorrectly?) as living a very comfortable life.
I read this post a couple times as well as a few others where you have spoken about money and while I have no clue of what your salary is I’m of the opinion that it would never be “enough” The is a very common human feeling that if only I made a bit more everything would be fine. Psychiatrists call it the 20% rule. “ If only I made 20% more” every thing would be fine. Well the sad fact is it simple isn’t true.
You seem to tie happiness to income? Would you like the numbers on millionaires that commit suicide because they’re depressed? This money = happiness thing is a Madison Avenue creation designed to make you fell inferior if you don’t have the latest and greatest of what ever. Do you feel you need to trade in your 40 inch plasma TV and get a 60 just because your friend bought a 50 inch?
Your preoccupation with money and how much everyone else makes is an unhealthy sign and quite possibly a stumbling block holding you back from your true potential. Happiness is found within. Toys are nice but when you’re depressed and lonely your toys are of no use.
I’ve owned two homes, I currently live in a 3,000 warehouse (studio) with 12’ ceilings and it’s in a marina. I’m 20 feet from a beach and listen to seagulls, foghorns and sails flapping in the breeze as the sailboats head out to sea. Do you think I’m rich? Or even “well off”?
Well the fact is not even close. While I rarely discuss my finances I think at this time its appropriate. In the last ten years I have yet to break $25,000 in income in any year. Often under 20k (18-19 is normal for me)
But I’m happy….. And I wouldn’t trade if for a six figure job. (And I could)
You can’t pay me enough to give up my happiness.
I wish you nothing but success and happiness in your life,
I hope you find it, I really do.
But my humble opinion is success and happiness have absolutely nothing to do with money and I’m not sure if you see it that way?
I lead a very comfortable, but tenuous, life. Even when I am complaining about money, I count my blessings. The irony is that if it weren’t for the sudden increase in value of my house, I wouldn’t have been able to refinance and pay off my bills. I had fallen into the same trap many do — loans and credit cards are fun and let you buy nice stuff. But when you don’t make enough to pay for the nice things all at once, you end up paying far more.
Anyway. My anxiety over money may well be unfounded, like most of my anxieties; in the end, the point I was trying to make was about people who dismiss your bad fortune in favor of shoving their good fortune down your throat and forcing you to be happy for them.
Happiness is another can of worms entirely.
Wow – harsh and a little bit unfair.
First off, I think it’s a little naive to blithely throw around the old chestnut of “money doesn’t buy happiness.” It’s a gross simplification of life that is just silly. For every unhappy millionaire you show me, I can show you a hundred thousand unhappy minimum wage workers. NOT having money certainly doesn’t bring happiness.
I don’t believe that money will necessarily bring me happiness. When I talk about salaries, etc., I am using it as a way to measure my success. My low salary is part and parcel of my stagnant career.
And I don’t think you’re naive enough to think that I should not make an effort to increase my income — while it may be possible to live in a 3,000 square foot space on a marina there, here in the nation’s capital I am living paycheck-to-paycheck just to afford my tiny 1,000 square foot home.
My desire for bettering my salary is not about happiness except for the fact that being more financially secure would certainly lift the anxiety that comes with being one paycheck away from losing my house.
You’re right: being happy has nothing to do with money. Why you made the assumption that I would be happy with more of it is beyond me, because it’s obvious that I will NEVER be happy no matter what happens.