Just As I Thought

In commiseration with Mac

I’ve been enjoying reading the trials of Mac as she fires and hires, and herewith I present a sampling of the resumes we’ve received here at my office recently. After I read the first one boasting of high-level skills with “Spreadsheat, Word Processer” I knew that we had a treasure trove of comedy just waiting to be unleashed. For your amusement, a cross-section of what’s out there in the employment pool.

I’ve been enjoying reading the trials of Mac as she fires and hires, and herewith I present a sampling of the resumes we’ve received here at my office recently. After I read the first one boasting of high-level skills with “Spreadsheat, Word Processer” I knew that we had a treasure trove of comedy just waiting to be unleashed. For your amusement, a cross-section of what’s out there in the employment pool.

  • I am confident that my skills, qualifications and experience will definitely make me a good candidate for this job. If you feel the same, it will be in my best interest to go forward and schedule an interview with you so we can have a brief exchange of words.
  • I am writing to express my interest in the position of xxxName of Positionxxx. I feel very confident that my qualifications will enable me to meet the high standards established by your organization.
  • I am attaching my resume. Please go through it.
    Looking forward for a great reply.
  • To Whom It May Concern,
    I am writing to express my interest in a teaching position with children that may be severely mentally disabled.
    (The open position is Customer Service Representative for a software company.)
  • I would welcome the opportunity for a personal interview to further discuss my qualifications. Take also into consideration my location. I feel my arrival on time will be of no concern.
    I’m looking from a pay of at least the minimum $11/hour. I hope you take my resume into deep consideration.
  • OBJECTIVE: Seeking a position within an organization where I will be able to contribute to the company’s success, and where achievements are recognized.
    (Good luck.)
  • SUMMERY OF QUALIFICATIONS
    (One assumes that spelling is not on that list.)
  • Objective
    To work for an organization where I am able to enjoy working with others, help others, and continue growing as an individual; seeking employment to gain more experience and knowledge in the any field of employment, by a recognized company.
    (Recognized by whom, I wonder?)
  • Sales experience, sales consultant, beauty consultant, people person, aesthetic graduate, excellent communication skills, very friendly, enjoy helping others, a fast leaner, and up to date on OSHA REGULATIONS as well as up to date on CALIFORNIA STATE BROAD RULES AND REGULATIONS
  • I JUST SEEN THE JOB OPPORTUNITY YOUR COMPANY POSTED ONJOB BOARD. I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD BUT IM A MOTIVATED PERSON TO LEARN AND WORK. IM VERY DRIVEN TO LEARN KNEW THINGS AND ACCOMPLISH MY TASK. RIGHT NOW I AM AN AA BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION STUDENT AND I AM GRADUATING IN AUGUST OF 2009. I REALLY WANT TO WORK IN THIS FIELD SO I CAN GET MY CAREER STARTED. WELL HERE IS MY RESUME. THANK YOU!!
  • I have learned many valuable traits from owning me own business and working for others that will assist me in any working environment.
  • Subject: Resume Submissions To LG Swim Club And Others
    (Um, we’re not a swim club.)

And from the department of unfulfilled expectations:

  • OBJECTIVE: Seeking a challenging career in the Customer Service environment

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