I’ve been enjoying reading the trials of Mac as she fires and hires, and herewith I present a sampling of the resumes we’ve received here at my office recently. After I read the first one boasting of high-level skills with “Spreadsheat, Word Processer” I knew that we had a treasure trove of comedy just waiting to be unleashed. For your amusement, a cross-section of what’s out there in the employment pool.
- I am confident that my skills, qualifications and experience will definitely make me a good candidate for this job. If you feel the same, it will be in my best interest to go forward and schedule an interview with you so we can have a brief exchange of words.
- I am writing to express my interest in the position of xxxName of Positionxxx. I feel very confident that my qualifications will enable me to meet the high standards established by your organization.
- I am attaching my resume. Please go through it.
Looking forward for a great reply.
- To Whom It May Concern,
I am writing to express my interest in a teaching position with children that may be severely mentally disabled.
(The open position is Customer Service Representative for a software company.)
- I would welcome the opportunity for a personal interview to further discuss my qualifications. Take also into consideration my location. I feel my arrival on time will be of no concern.
I’m looking from a pay of at least the minimum $11/hour. I hope you take my resume into deep consideration.
- OBJECTIVE: Seeking a position within an organization where I will be able to contribute to the companys success, and where achievements are recognized.
- SUMMERY OF QUALIFICATIONS
(One assumes that spelling is not on that list.)
To work for an organization where I am able to enjoy working with others, help others, and continue growing as an individual; seeking employment to gain more experience and knowledge in the any field of employment, by a recognized company.
(Recognized by whom, I wonder?)
- Sales experience, sales consultant, beauty consultant, people person, aesthetic graduate, excellent communication skills, very friendly, enjoy helping others, a fast leaner, and up to date on OSHA REGULATIONS as well as up to date on CALIFORNIA STATE BROAD RULES AND REGULATIONS
- I JUST SEEN THE JOB OPPORTUNITY YOUR COMPANY POSTED ONJOB BOARD. I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD BUT IM A MOTIVATED PERSON TO LEARN AND WORK. IM VERY DRIVEN TO LEARN KNEW THINGS AND ACCOMPLISH MY TASK. RIGHT NOW I AM AN AA BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION STUDENT AND I AM GRADUATING IN AUGUST OF 2009. I REALLY WANT TO WORK IN THIS FIELD SO I CAN GET MY CAREER STARTED. WELL HERE IS MY RESUME. THANK YOU!!
- I have learned many valuable traits from owning me own business and working for others that will assist me in any working environment.
- Subject: Resume Submissions To LG Swim Club And Others
(Um, we’re not a swim club.)
And from the department of unfulfilled expectations:
- OBJECTIVE: Seeking a challenging career in the Customer Service environment