America should see the Newtown carnage

The pregnant woman waiting to cross the street had an open beer and a cigarette. Hey, at least she was getting some exercise.

“@BorowitzReport: BREAKING: Gingrich Vows to Clean Up Washington with Army of 9-Year-Old Janitors”

In my cubicle. Before 7am. ON A FRIDAY. My old coworkers are probably thinking I’m making this up.