Cicadas 2013: Cicadas to outnumber people 600-to-1

Over the course of a work week, my desk chair sinks lower and lower until I feel like I’m sitting in a kindergarten chair.

@BorowitzReport: When I was a little boy I was told that by the 21st century we’d have robots, and sure enough, here’s Romney.

Things I’m really bad at: fixing my hair, making pancakes, picking out clothes and sleeping.