http://www.theonion.com/articles/impatient-nation-demands-supreme-court-just-get-to,32938/

Offices everywhere will soon have to shut off glaring overhead lighting so we can see our iPad screens.

Scoping out hot guy at lowe’s. Then his equally hot boyfriend showed up. So much for my hot/schlub fantasy.

Hello again, 3am. We have to stop meeting like this