Where’s my lawyer?

Yesterday I went to see “Finding Nemo” with Jeff, and left wishing I could sue someone.
First: the lines at the concession stands were immobile, mostly owing to the shiftless and mostly stationary employees. Do they not realize that we have a movie to go to and don’t have all day? I understand that it’s not a glamour job, and it’s a pain in the ass. But if you can’t do the job, why are you there? Why are you allowed to be there? Don’t they WANT more of my money for their $3 bottle of water?
Second: We decided to forego the popcorn as there was absolutely no way we’d make it to the front of the line. The movie was scheduled to begin at 4:40. Well, we could have waited, because we sat and watched commercials until the movie actually began at 5:05. Do the math. That’s TWENTY FIVE MINUTES of ads before the movie. By way of comparison, during a typical hour-long television program, there are 18 minutes of commercials. And you don’t have to pay up to $9.00 to get in to a television program. I heard recently that someone is suing theatre chains for this outrage, and I want in on that one. At what point did Americans decide it was OK to PAY for advertising? I’d hazard a guess that it was around the time they started wearing clothing emblazoned with “Abercrombie” or “Nike” and paid extra for the privilege.
Third: The theatre was one of those stadium style deals, where the rows of seats are very steep. This has the unfortunate effect of placing the feet of patrons right at head level of the person in front of them, as I discovered when a child behind me buried his shoe sharply into my head. His mother quietly told him to be careful, but nary a word for me, who spent the rest of the film with a splitting headache. You know, an afternoon show of a Disney film is obviously going to mean kids in the audience; but there comes a time after the kid has been screaming for a hour that you just take him out of the theatre.
Fourth: After leaving the auditorium, I realized that I had left my umbrella on the floor. I went back in, and it was gone. Just like that. Some people have no class.

So, now we know why going to movies is not something I do often, and why most people will shy away from accompanying me…

By the way: the movie was great, and I was pleasantly surprised at the fantastic performance by Ellen DeGeneres. Wonderful! One caveat – this film starts out with the scary death of Nemo’s mother and his siblings (dozens and dozens of them). After that, it has a lot of very scary scenes and plenty of emotional distress – a father searching for his missing child, the child scared of all that is happening to him and missing his parent… there must be a certain age when children begin to comprehend these things in a movie. I can imagine that children under that age would enjoy the film for it’s bright colors and fish; but past that age, the kid is going to be somewhat scared at this film… at least, I assume.