Just when you had all but forgotten that carbon-based life exists above the 49th parallel, those sly Canadians have redefined their entire nation as Berkeley North.
“It’s like we woke up and suddenly we’re a European country,” says Canadian television satirist Rick Mercer.
In March, Canada decided it was unwilling to join the “coalition of the willing” for the attack on Iraq. Unlike French wine and toast, Canadian bacon avoided boycott because somehow Canada’s defection escaped notice.
In May, Canada proposed to decriminalize possession of small amounts of marijuana and refocus law enforcement on traffickers. An herbal blend out of British Columbia known as “B.C. Bud” is attaining a reputation reminiscent of the old Panama Red and Maui Wowie.
In June, Canada decided to allow same-sex marriages. In comparison, the U.S. Supreme Court’s striking down of the Texas sodomy law last week seems tame. Since the Canadian marriage right is construed as inalienable and open to all — sound familiar? — hundreds of gay Americans are streaming north to get married. Their nuptials will not be recognized at home, where a 1996 federal law decreed that marriage is strictly a man-woman thing. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.), appearing Sunday on ABC’s “This Week,” called for amending the Constitution to ban gay marriages.
The news from Canada is just a little disorienting — no, shocking — for Americans. Depending on your view, isn’t America supposed to be the cradle of the coolest, most cutting-edge culture? Didn’t we invent civil rights? Alternatively, if such so-called cool culture is corrupt and these “rights” wrong, at least by golly we’re supposed to get to Hell first.
Now Canada is leading the way.
And America is looking fussy, Victorian and imperial.
Canada sounds so cool – I wanna be like them.