Today’s Style Invitational:
Report from Week 534, in which The Czar (remember him? from way back?) invited descriptions of how various institutions would change if they were dominated by women. Remember how he assured you that you didn’t have to worry about a little sexist humor, since, after all, remember who’d be judging the contest?
To those among the shameless who — thinking they were writing for a male judge — sent oh-so-clever time-of-the-month jokes, alas, none of your entries get ink. The Empress does not know why, exactly. Perhaps she is just feeling a little crabby right now, for some reason.
Third runner-up: If a woman ran the United States, we would never declare war. We would just attack, and when the country asked us why, we’d say, “Oh, I think you know why.” (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)
First runner-up: Homeland security: “The threat level was upgraded today from Mojave Rose to Persimmon Sunset.” (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
And the winner of the Painted Potties decal set: If women ran the porn industry, the climax of the movie would be when the man shouts, “I was wrong!” (Tom McCudden, Durham, N.C.)
Plumbers would go to fix bathrooms in groups. (Kristina Sherry, Annandale)
If women controlled politics, men wouldn’t have elections every time you turn around, and when they did have one, their elections would last much longer. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Pfizer Corp. would produce little blue pills that make men better listeners. (Josh Borken, Bloomington, Minn.)
The FBI: As long as they’re collecting all that information on everyone’s private life, why not run it through a matchmaking program? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
Mafia donnas: No cement shoes after Labor Day. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
If women took over the Republican Party, we would elect one of the pigs that would be flying. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)
