Fly Me

My reservations — at least, in the airline sense — are complete, and I’ll be winging my way to San Francisco at the beginning of March.
It all started with the announcement that the award-winning film I worked on would be screened at a film festival in San Jose. A few days got tacked on, then more, then Jann — the ex — made an offer I couldn’t refuse. A first class ticket.
I’ll need that relaxing luxury on the way to the west coast, because it’s been more than 7 years since I last saw Jann. Those years were filled with emotions ranging from loss to jealousy to anger; but I credit my all-too-short time with B. for opening my eyes and changing the way I feel. To be frank, my time with B. was so much more… well, it was just better than my time with Jann, in many ways. It’s really comparing apples to oranges, and doesn’t serve much purpose to compare them here. But what I think I realized is this: when I met Jann, I was amazed that someone like him would have any interest in me. At the time, he was really a gorgeous guy, and I never thought of myself in those terms.
10 years later, when I met B., it occurred to me that I do have something to offer someone, and there are really hot, cute guys out there that seem to like me, too. Suddenly, I didn’t need Jann anymore, especially for validation that I was a desirable person.
It was a weird epiphany, and it didn’t happen as I thought it would. All those years, I was thinking to myself that I would slowly emerge from my sad obsession, that it would take a long time and happen bit by bit. I never expected it to happen within a week’s time.
So now, here I am, getting ready to fly out to spend a few days with my ex… and his boyfriend. The boyfriend that I spent 7 years ignoring and trying to avoid hearing about.
I don’t know if this is evidence that I am emotionally healthier or not, but it’s certainly interesting and different.
Anyway. First class! How exciting is that? Even though I’ll be flying early in the morning, I still want that champagne.