Just As I Thought

Communique via Long Distance Telegraphy from Mr. McCain, Esq

My Friends,

How presumptive.

I am honored to announce that I have chosen Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska as my choice for the Republican nominee for Vice President. As a father with three daughters, I can’t express how proud I am to choose the first female Republican Vice-Presidential nominee.

Hmm. The first Democratic Vice-Presidential nominee was in 1984. Right there in the first paragraph, he points out that the Republicans are decades behind when it comes to recognizing the worth of women.
And there’s also the dubious grammar of choosing one’s choice.

Sarah Palin is a trailblazer and a reformer. As the first female governor of Alaska, she challenged a corrupt system and has been a tireless advocate for reform — passing a landmark bill on ethics reform. She has taken on the old politics in Alaska and reformed the state’s energy industry. She rejects wasteful pork barrel spending. She’s fearless — exactly the type of leader I want at my side and the type of leadership we will bring to Washington.

First female. First female. They don’t even bother to disguise the talking points anymore, do they? And one wonders how the tireless reformer managed to overlook the corrupt and indicted Ted Stevens from her own state. Oh, and herself. She’s being investigated right now by the state Legislative Council. I suppose it was difficult for McCain to pick a running mate who was both acceptable to the conservative Right and not under investigation.

My friends, together Sarah Palin and I make the strongest presidential ticket and I know that she joins me in asking for your support as we head into our Convention week in Minnesota. We’re shaking things up in this campaign — and Governor Palin and I are ready to bring real reform to Washington.

Again, I’m really getting tired of the “My Friends” bit.
“I know she joins me in asking for your support?” Sounds like he’s not quite sure that’s the case.
Bringing real reform to Washington? Last time I checked, the Republicans had a good 12 years to bring reform and failed to do so. They did, however, bring much more corruption.

You may already know that I have decided to accept federal matching funds for the final months of this campaign — keeping a campaign promise I made. But that means that August 31st marks the last day I can accept your primary contribution. Will you make an immediate donation of whatever you can give — whether it’s $50 or $500 to ensure Governor Palin and I win in November?

He begs like a liberal charity.

You can be assured that as President and Vice President, Governor Palin and I will always put country before all else. We are ready to lead and I ask that you join our campaign today. Your support is deeply appreciated.

That last line gave me visions of the old men in the Bartles & Jaymes commercials of the 1980s. You know, back when McCain was already old enough to be my grandfather and his running mate was in her early 20s.

P.S. I have chosen Governor Sarah Palin as my running mate and today we will hold a joint campaign rally in Dayton, Ohio. Please tune in to any of the cable news stations to watch this rally at noon eastern time. After watching the rally, I hope you’ll visit my website to financially support our ticket as we head into next week’s Republican Convention. Thank you.

Um… isn’t that what he said in the opening of his letter? That he chose Palin? Is his memory so poor that he forgot midway through writing the letter? As further evidence of this memory problem, you’ll notice that he once again asks for money, the third time in the last three paragraphs. The only thing that’s missing is a selection of pre-printed return address labels with charming drawings by Republican 5-year-olds.

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