I think I am shedding more hai…

Hey, jerks – if your wipers are on, your headlights should be on. And it goes without saying that you shouldn’t be speeding, either.

@BorowitzReport: When I was a little boy I was told that by the 21st century we’d have robots, and sure enough, here’s Romney.

Without my glasses, you can see my big, soulful brown eyes. You can also see the huge black bags under them. Damned contacts.