Just As I Thought

Portrait of the Artist

Ah, that day when my friends Sara and Lance and I went to the Hirshhorn gallery to see the Laurie Anderson exhibit, and turned around to discover that we were being followed by… Laurie Anderson.

Every time I open the refriger…

Every time I open the refrigerator, I expect to find something to eat, miraculously appearing from nowhere. Yet more expectations dashed.

On the Board

Yes, I’m very interested in yo…

Yes, I’m very interested in your “stay in bed all day” option. Please send me your free, full-color brochure with no obligation.

The warning label on this can …

The warning label on this can of roasted almonds says, in a box, CONTAINS ALMOND. That’s both pointless and reassuring.